Gasping for breath, she felt her pulse settling down again. Fascinated, she watched the group of birds circling over her head, losing herself in thoughts.
Distant shouts reached her ears.
“Rachel!”
Pulled back to reality, she turned around, showing her friend and the rest of the marathon training group her brightest smile.
“Sam! Look!” Excited, she pointed to the sky. “Like them! Just like them up there! Like them I will fly one day!”
Still out of breath from the training session, Sam gave her a blank look.
“You’re starting with that again?”
“Of course, Sam! It’s true!”
“Oh, come on! You’re 16 and your grades in Physics aren’t that bad. You know, it’s impossible!”
Anger grew in Rachel’s head. Why didn’t she understand? She had explained it to her so many times.
“It’s not, Sam! It’s true!”
“Rachel… I… I just want to help you. You lose yourself in a fantasy! I don’t want to imagine what happens to you when you wake up…”
“There is no need of waking up. I’m not sleeping!”
Sam rolled her eyes and sighed. “I see… Whatever, come on. We have to rest now before tomorrow’s marathon.”
Rachel couldn’t get the situation. Why was her best friend denying her thoughts? She could at least try to believe her. She defiantly looked at her friend’s face.
“You will see! One day, I will fly! Just like –“
“Yeeeaah, just like the birds, I know!” she cut her short. “I have to go now, see you then, okay?”
She turned around and jogged away.
“No, that wasn’t what I wanted to say!” But Sam was already out of reach.
“I will fly…”, she continued silently to herself, “…just like – Just like Mom promised me…”

--

“Rachel.” A soft voice stroked her ears. “Rachel, come here.”
She turned around. “Coming, Mommy!” High-spirited, little Rachel jumped into her mother’s arms.
“Mommy! Have you seen the birds? They can fly sooo high! I want to fly, too, Mommy! Do you know how it works, can you teach me?? Pleeeaase!!”
Her mother’s warm laughing comforted her heart.
“No, Rachel, I don’t know how it works. I wish, I could teach you, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Disappointed, little Rachel pulled a face.
“That’s not fair! I want to fly, too!”
“Then let me tell you something, okay?”
“What?”
“If someone, you love very much, is away from you, your love for this person will give you wings. If you desperately want to see that person, in one way or another, you will be able to fly to the place wherever that person may be.”
Rachel’s eyes brightened.
“Really? Really really??”
“Of course! Maybe some time will pass until you understand, but one day you will fly, I promise you.”
She didn’t understand the last sentence but she did not care.
“You promise me? I will fly??”
“Yes, you will fly.”
“Mom, that’s sooo great! I will fly! I will fly!! That’s SOOO great!!”
Laughing, she circled around herself, faster and faster, until the world became one big stream of colors. She imagined to already sail through the sky, her heart bursting with happiness.

Suddenly, the colors disappeared. The stream changed to a grey, dusty mist. She jogged. She didn’t know why, but she was in a hurry. Some disturbing noise reached her ears. She turned around.
The anxious face of her mother was burned into her mind. Before she could grip a thought, she felt a hard push against her chest. While she fell backwards, she saw her mother’s body being smashed by the front of the truck.
Not hearing the squealing of the giant tires anymore, she looked at the pool of blood, finding its way to where she fell down. Her brain desperately tried to manage the situation.
Slowly, she turned her head to the fleshy mass that had been her mother just moments ago.
She felt a warm liquid wetting her fingers.
She looked down at her mother’s blood.
Her head was empty except for one thing.
She opened her mouth and screamed.
Screamed, like there was no tomorrow.

--

Somebody shook her hard. “Rachel! Rachel, wake up! WAKE UP!!”
“MOM!! NO!!” Where was she?
Cold sweat ran down her body. She breathed heavily. Her heart pounded painfully fast.
Where was she?
Fear put her chest into chains. She struggled against the hands on her shoulders, beginning to hyperventilate.
“Rachel, it’s me! Look at my face, it’s me!”
Everything around her seemed to be covered by a veil of fog. She thought, she recognized her foster-mother’s face, but her blurred vision made her panic even harder.
“MOM!!” she screamed, “MOOOM!!!”
Tears ran down her pale face. She felt a paper bag being pulled over her mouth. She kicked and writhed with pain, but strong hands hold her down.
Suddenly all strength left her body. Apathetic, she collapsed on her bed. Shivering, she convulsively gasped into the bag, feeling all the memories coming back to her mind again.
“Mom…” she whispered. Then, unable to make her throat speak, the tears burst out and she cried all the agony out of her aching body.

--

“Rachel, are you really sure you want to participate? Your attack last night was harder than usual…”
“It’s okay, Susan. It was just a dream. I can handle it. After all, it happened six years ago.”
“I know, but… Darling, I’m worried!”
“That’s nice of you, Susan.” She gave her foster-mother a reassuring smile. “But I’m fine. Really. Besides, I trained really hard for that marathon and I’m the best one of our group. I have a good chance to win that thing!”
Susan sighed. “Okay, darling. But promise me, when you don’t feel good, quit it. Do you understand?”
“Okay, okay! Promise!”
“Fine. Then hurry and get ready, I will give you a ride.”
“Thank you, Susan.” She headed to the stairs.
“Rachel!” She turned her head. “What?”
Susan gave Rachel a weird look, sad, begging, almost wistful. Confused, she turned around.
“Susan, what’s the matter? You okay?”
“Rachel… So much time has passed… Do you really not want to call me ‘mom’?
Rachel smiled weakly.
“I’m sorry, Susan… I can’t…”
She turned around again and left the room.

--

Cheering masses surrounded the place where the marathon began. Some bigwig spoke important words into a microphone and started the countdown.
The noise of all the people counting down with him almost drowned out the short, shocking bang of the pistol marking the start for about 70 marathon runners.
Starting in the third or fourth row, Rachel and Samantha jogged next to each other, still laughing with joy before the run got serious.
“Watch out, Sam! For the next 42,195 kilometers you are my enemy!”
“We’ll see, honey! Don’t cry if I beat you!”
“You’ll never beat me! You ran like a snail in every training session!”
“How dare you! How about, I tell YOU all your flaws to your face?!”
“Hmm… good idea… But unfortunately, you are not able to do that…”
“Why not?!”
“Because from now on, you will only see my back!”
Laughing, she passed her friend and left her several meters behind before she slowed down again to keep a regular pace.
She imagined her friend’s face and giggled.
Now, the run had begun.

--

20 kilometers passed.
The fourth water station came in sight. A group of about a dozen runners, Rachel between them, would reach this station first. Several meters in front of the first table, Rachel turned around.
‘Sam’s not in sight’, she thought and giggled again. ‘Like I said, a snail.’
Breathing out, she turned to face the road again and suddenly had another runner’s back shortly before her nose. He must have been jogged in front of her to get something to drink.
The rapid change of the situation scared her. Her legs did a reflex action to the side to prevent a crash.
This uncontrollable movement had its effect. Her left foot lost hold. A stabbing pain shot through her leg. She groaned.
She somehow managed to keep her balance and kept on jogging to the next water table. She grabbed two bottles and emptied one over her leg. The pain did not cease and made her eyes water.
“Ouch!” she pressed out.
Her thoughts raged. ‘What should I do? Should I give up? It hurts badly… Can I bear this? I should give up… Fuck it! Why did this have to happen? Why today? Damn it!’
She started to limp.
A girl of her running group joined her.
“If you’re hurt, quit it. Don’t overestimate yourself.”
Rachel’s thoughts ran flat again. ‘Giving up? No way! I trained hard. I can win! A hurting foot will not hinder me!’
“I’m fine, thank you!” she replied.
She forced herself to ignore the pain. The limping stopped. ‘It’s okay’ she reassured herself. ‘It’s getting better. I can handle this.’
The pain throbbed as in the first moment but she persuaded herself to not feel it anymore.
She kept on running with her sprained ankle, every step bombing her brain with worsening aches.

The tormenting continued for the next 20 kilometers. By now, she really didn’t feel pain anymore. Her senses were numb, her head on the edge of unconsciousness. She placed one foot in front of the other, automatically, like a machine.
She almost forgot what she was running for. She just knew that running was all she had to do right now.
‘I must run… I have to run… keep on running…’
She didn’t even realize she shook off her competitors a few kilometers ago.
She was running alone, pain shaking her body, her bloodless face glowing in the heat of the sun.
An invisible urge dragged her forward, absent-minded, glassy eyes, like those of a sleepwalker.

The end came in sight, a 22-floor tower-block, part of the company of the bigwig who started the event.
The finish was built on the roof of this building, making the runners climb up hundreds of stairs. “What a crazy idea!” Rachel and Sam had laughed about it before the race started.
Now, none of these thoughts crossed Rachel’s mind.
Like a robot, she entered the area of the tall building, not hearing the cheering of the masses surrounding the street, not hearing the loudspeakers, not hearing the music coming from every corner of this place. She passed the entrance and began to climb the stairs, one after the other, higher and higher, up to the destination.
Up. The short word rose in her head.
Up… up there… high up there… Where…?
High up, where?
The sky, her mind formed. Up there in the sky… like the birds… High in the sky where the birds are flying… “I want to fly, too!”
Unconsciously, she spoke the last words out loud.
Suddenly, it rammed her like the truck had rammed her mother.
Unstoppable, a waterfall of emotions flooded her mind.
She cried out with pain, sensing again, that she was badly injured.
Despair captured her, as panic, terror, fear and sadness overwhelmed her memories due to the sight of her mother’s mortal remains.
The tears ran again.
“Mom!” she gasped. “Mooom!”
Her sobbing got harder. The unbearable pain caused a merciless wave of nausea in her.
“Mom, help me! Please help me, Mom!” She almost screamed.
“You promised me, Mom! You said I would fly! I want to see you! Make me fly, Mom! I want to see you! Where are you, Mooom!!”
Her feet left the last stairs.
“Mom, help me…” No more power left. She only brought out a voiceless hiss.
She jogged out on the sunlit roof, several dozens of people welcoming her with applause.
The sunlight blinded her eyes. A group of birds circled over her head.
“Rachel.” A soft voice stroked her ears. “Rachel, come here.”
The tears blurring her vision disappeared. She did not waste a thought about the impossibility of what her eyes were seeing. She spread her arms, her heart bursting with happiness. She crossed the finish-line, cheered by the audience, and kept on running in her mother’s direction.
She placed a foot on the balustrade and jumped.
“Coming, Mommy!” she said.
And high-spirited, Rachel flew, high into the sky, sailing through the clouds along with the birds, like it had always been her wish.
Feeling the sun in her face, she settled down in her mother’s arms, carried away by her warm laughing, while the screaming masses surrounded her body, smashed, her blood scattered over the asphalt, after falling down 90 meters of pure happiness.